Why is it so difficult to let go of regret?

I wish I had the answer. Why do we ruminate over what has happened in the past with no ability in the present to change it?

When I was part of the business world, I did not appreciate what I offered. Everything came easy to me; I assumed it came easy to everyone. Not true. I regret not fighting for a proper salary. I regret being timid. How does this waste of time help me? I try to be aware of whom I am today; I try to pat myself on the back for the kindnesses I offer family and friends. I watch people compete with me today as businessmen and women competed with me in the past. They see something special in me and want to tear it down. I let go. I am able to feel negative energy, and let it go before I am damaged.

I have a friend who regrets leaving his mother’s hospital room minutes before she died. Over the last thirty years – since she died – I have tried to explain that some parents may not want their children to see them dying. No solace. He relives that decision in the hospital as if it happened moments ago. Why? He benefits how?

Similarly, I regret not being more understanding when my father was dying. I don’t beat myself up. I know it’s not what my father would have wanted.

As a marriage counselor for twenty-six years, I heard ‘regret’ every working day. Why didn’t I spend more time with my children? Why didn’t I divorce earlier? Why didn’t I let go of my mother’s control decades ago? Why did I live my father’s dream? The same story told over and over, to what benefit?

Here is my understanding of the worst regret. When a parent is not fit to parent, the child can live a lifetime of regret. Some mothers, particularly, are not born to parent. They don’t have the mother gene. Their children have expectations. Justified expectations? Adds up to a lifetime of regret. A better choice would be to understand, forgive, and let go. Some alcoholic parents miss the opportunity to be there in the moment with their children. Some businessmen and women miss the chance to attend sporting events, etc. More regrets.

What I do better and better thanks to meditation: I let go of the past. I forgive. Try it; you’ll like it.