The Stigma Around Male Sexual Abuse

I had lunch a few days ago with a friend whose adult son, a professional, is in therapy. Although I had some understanding of her family background, she spent lots of time filling in her son’s childhood experiences. I listened. The details of her adult son’s depression and inability to focus on his career made me think: Childhood sexual abuse. I shared my thoughts.

Her reaction was quick. She threatened our friendship and denied the possibility that he had been sexually abused in childhood.

As we got in our cars and drove away, I asked myself: What is she afraid of? If her son is identified as an adult male who had been sexually abused as a child, does she feel it is a reflection on her parenting? Or, is her reaction a hidden fear that her son might be gay?

How many men, how many mothers and fathers deny a history of childhood sexual abuse because of fear of stigmatization? Speaking of the closet, how many straight men hide from the reality of their history of sexual abuse? What is the emotional price they pay when they do not share?

And gay men? They have to deal with coming out every day of their lives. When they meet new people, it is automatically assumed they’re straight; unless of course you just walked into a gay bar. Add to that daily trauma the additional secret of childhood sexual abuse and you have the formula for depression and suicidal ideation.

Seek help. Find a therapist. Find a group. Just like AA for recovering alcoholics, there are groups for men who have been sexually abused as children.