BULLYING, SURVIVING THE DRAMA

At this moment, as we speak, I am being bullied by three women. I am 83 years old and have been bullied for more than seventy years. What have I learned?

I’ve learned it’s about power. The three women I mentioned want me to feel less than. They want me to see myself through their eyes. The more I show strength and determination to be my own person, the more hateful they become.

Over the years, I’ve spent one hundred hours trying to figure out the root of their animosity. What a waste of time. Even as a retired psychotherapist, if each of the women sat down with me and talked about their history of hurts, would they admit they were working through their past by bullying me?

I watch and learn as they plot to get my attention. As an example, my neighbor has destroyed my car; she started by knocking on my front door in the middle of the night. Now, she’s graduated to cutting my laundry as it dries in the condo laundry room. Was she sexually abused as a child? Did her parents divorce and leave her emotionally vulnerable? Who cares? She’s sick, and I have to process the problem as hers. And I do. Welcome to graduation.

I’m here to tell you, if you are being bullied, it’s not about you. It’s not about you being too tall or too smart or too successful. Bullies are disappointed with their lives. By beating up on you emotionally, they feel important. Vindicated comes to mind. Vindicated meaning they don’t have to take responsibility for what they perceive as failure. Failure to get an education. Failure to be half of a happy relationship. Failure to get past their childhood trauma.

Bottom line: Bullies are looking to gain a feeling of power, purpose and control over you. Know who you are. Journal who you are. Read and reread your list of attributes. Invest in people who love and understand you. Do not spend time trying to win a bully over. Not worth your time and energy.